✡ I was recently quoted as saying this to a friend when talking about a relationship of his, “Ugh, Get Your Love Off Of Me!” It sums up how I generally feel right now about relationships, marriage, and any kind of other long term “forever” hallucination people operate under.
Not being completely ready to join the priesthood – besides that I am Jewish – I am thinking of the things that important to me in the next go’round of this crazy game of love.
It is important to note that this list is about general center of the road characteristics and nothing is ever so rigid as to be taken literally and demonstratively.
- There are the basics: have a college education, live on your own, have good credit, have a career or some drive towards something. This essentially means that I welcome a life long Peace Corp’s volunteer, because while not a traditional career, certainly shows drive and dedication to something tangible. I also realize that it may mean, as a volunteer, you are not in the same position as other people my age.
- Understand the complexities that make up a person our age. History is real. In the mid-30’s a man has gathered a hell of a lot of it! Travels, people, homes, dogs, scars of all kinds, etc… understand that these things are what makes a man who he is and are not things to make anyone jealous or afraid.
- Understand I come from humble stock. My grandparents were either immigrants, or the children of immigrants, who struggled to become part of the American Dream. My parents live in Maine in very modest surroundings. There are no lavish homes, expensive boats, nor jewels in my family. We are in many ways a product of the progression of the Jewish middle class combined with Maine values.
- Understand that I work a lot. I maybe done with work at 6pm some days and 2am others. I may need to cancel on you and my friends from time to time because of this. Along with the position I have attained comes a lot of responsibility, which has dedication intertwined.
- Understand that I don’t need you to be complete, I want you in my life. This is a sizable departure from the ‘happily ever after’, ‘I can’t live without you’, Disney BS. I am looking for someone who is looking to be complemented not fixed or completed. We all have insecurities, this is a fact, but there is a difference between being solid and secure when compared to dysfunctional.
- Understand that a relationship take a lot of work. I have people in my past who said, “I just want it to be easy.” Life is hard and this sentiment was wholly unsophisticated.
- Understand what the space between two people means. I have a view of a relationship that comes from Physics and Organic Chemistry: we are matter, and between us is a space that we both inhabit but both do not inhabit, depending upon the math. This space is what is granted for the elasticity needed for each member to be unique, live and grow.
- Understand and live a descent, trusting, loving, honest life. This one should be simple.
- Understand what my religion and culture means to me. I have people in my life that seem to think this is an easy thing to overlook and obviate. It isn’t for me. More importantly, when this obviation is attempted it is offensive.
- Understand the value of family. My family, as crazy as they are, mean the world to me. Connection to family is an important hallmark of a person who can accept the cognitive and emotion dissonance that occurs in these types of complex and meaningful relationships.
- Understand that while work maybe important, a good life work balance is even more important.
- Understand that sometimes being in a nightclub, drinking gin with the guys is a good time, but so are a hike in the woods, reading The Economist on a Sunday morning in bed, looking over a UNESCO site, flying a kite, and many other activities.
- Understand, and try hard, to know the difference between confidence and arrogance.
- Understand that words and gifts are nice, but actions are what are important.
- Understand the difference between generosity of all kinds and charity.
That is all I can think of for now and these are the reasons why I want to invent a love proof suit. Then I will never have someone’s love accidentally spilled in my house and have to move.